Wish I had a Warning

              I do not envy Junior’s situation whatsoever. He has a very difficult home life and the whole end of the world thing is a major bummer. However, I must admit that I would have appreciated an (almost) all-knowing voice giving me helpful advice as a child. Such a presence could have helped me avoid some of my more embarrassing or trying moments. My own personal narrator would have sounded like this:

            As a child, you will think you know far more than you really do; most, if not all, children think the same way. However, with our help, you may actually have the advantage of more knowledge than the others. First of all, when you reach the age of three years old, you parents will bring another child home. He will cry a lot and sometimes emit displeasing smells. People will come to bring him gifts and have nothing for you. You will experience feelings of jealousy toward the child, but you must resist the temptation to lash out. This will only earn you timeouts in your bedroom. The cuter you act and the more willingly you sit still for photographs, the more likely it is that others will come to bring you presents as well. At the age of seven years, your parents will move your family far from home. You will threaten to run away and claim that you will never feel happy again. Do not worry, this is not true. Ohio may seem strange at first; people will say things like “pop,” instead of “soda.” Yet, you must try to maintain a positive attitude because you will grow to love your new town despite the fact that they have ten months of winter. One day, your father will offer to trim your bangs. He will only have the best intentions at heart; however, you must rebuff his offer at all costs. His in expertise will result in a fourth grade photo that looks as though you went to the salon where Edward Scissorhands works. In the fifth grade, you will discover a beautiful (or so you will think) pair of purple wooden clogs. These are not as fashionable as you think and have the tendency to set off the sound of explosions every time you climb the Intermediate school stairs. Furthermore, as a young child, you will experience the urge to twirl around the house with your eyes closed: beware and make sure to close all basement doors beforehand. Also, make sure to tie your hair back when using the blender, especially if you ever make snicker doodles. The resulting tangle could cause a rather obvious bald spot. But, remember most of all that if you do make mistakes, at the very least have funny stories to tell about them.

  These photos are probably worse than my fourth grade one

The Cuckoo Bird Flew Over... Me?

          Following the end of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, I noticed a reoccurring theme of crazy in my life. I assumed that I was just hyperaware or looking for connections in wake of data sheet mania. However, I continue to find an increasing amount of insanity in my life, despite the fact that we finished the book MONTHS ago. Unfortunately, I have noticed this unsettling pattern in myself. And all of my symptoms have been brought to light due to AP English. Exhibit A of my instability: the blog polls. I enjoy making the polls and hope others enjoying voting on them. However, this is not always the case. The number of votes on my various polls makes it painfully obvious how few people view my blog. The fact alone that I have given it this much thought may serve as a red flag, but that is not the only problem. I do not want people to see my pathetically unnoticed polls. So I vote on my polls. Multiple times. I voted on this most recent poll on my home computer, my iTouch, and at least one computer at school. And the fact that I willingly admit my obsessive behavior to the world only solidifies my insanity. But one isolated incident alone cannot land a person in a mental institution. No, my true deterioration into insanity began with the Amsterdam papers. For starters, I somehow convinced myself that a "focused paper" meant to use as few quotes as possible. I cannot tell you where this notion came from, all signs point to delusion. Upon finding out that this was not the case, I quickly went into panic mode. I even informed Ms. Serensky that I would have eight separate mental breakdowns that night. Clearly my filter was malfunctioning. The insanity only continued that night and afternoon as I wrote the paper (a painful experience that I do not wish to recount). And yet all this did not convince me of my insanity. Class today put the final nail in my crazy coffin. From the sombreros to the Spongebob piñata with a baby face, I could simply not comprehend the situation. So now, I fully know that I am crazy. I am not saying that AP English made me crazy, but there does seem to be a theme here.

Cuckoo

Assertive

         Recently, a fellow AP Englisher (who shall remain nameless) asked me how I talk in discussions. As in, how do I make it known that I want to talk next without cutting someone off. Now, most of you probably know that I like to talk and have no problem voicing my opinion. I usually try to talk when there is a lull in discussion because I hate awkward silences, and I am really sorry if I have ever cut anyone off. But anyway, I cannot honestly say that I have a specific method for leading into my talking. However, for those of you who have trouble asserting themselves in class discussion, I have a few easy tips that I think may come in handy. And as an added bonus I get to compose a blog list.

1. Bring a gavel to class. Any time you wish to speak, bang the gavel on your desk and say "order in the classroom." When everyone stops to stare at you in shock, you can quickly jump in with your point.

2. Start slow clapping. After the previous person finishes speaking, loudly and slowly start clapping so as to prevent others from talking before you.

3. Pretend to choke. This one requires some acting skills because you need to seem convincing. When the rest of the class is watching you in concern, you can make a quick recovery and start talking.

4. Fall out of your desk. Do not do this quietly, but make a big scene out of it. This will divert attention to you and give you the opportunity to make a statement

5. Form an alliance. Join forces with as many people in the classes you can and develop a secret signal. When you wish to speak, perform the secret signal in order to make the other students in your alliance start humming. This will create general confusion and allow you to speak.

6. Hide in the ceiling before class. Kick your way out and cause panic with your entrance. Everyone else will be stunned into silence.

7. Bribery. I do not want to get too specific on this one. I'm just throwing it out there; when in doubt, bribe.

 

Six word paper? I wish

Pick your poison, both mean stress.

Genius? Not So Much

       The thought was, quite simply, that it might not be going to far to say that Clive was... an idiot. An idiot. It was a term he had applied to many others in his lifetime, most recently his former best friend. A word he had never dared associate with himself. But now, looking back on all he had accomplished in such a short time, idiot really seemed like the appropriate word. Not so long ago Clive had lived a simple and happy life; working on his latest masterpiece whilst enjoying the spoils of the cultured class. But it had not been enough. He wanted a higher status, a greater legacy. He wanted everyone to remember his name. And maybe they would now, just not for the right reasons. He thought of his house which might appear in a documentary film someday. An expose about how the desire for fame leads to ruin. Or perhaps how a relatively stable man managed to go down in flames in a matter of days: "The Clive Linley Story: From Composer to Clown."  Looking back, his errors seemed rather obvious. If only the average person was blessed with foresight, rather than hindsight. He had known that the tune at the end of his symphony sounded familiar. The echo of something greater. Something, he assumed, that he would create. That he would will into being. Too bad someone had beaten him to the punch a few centuries ago. At the very least, he would not have to bear witness the public reaction when they heard Clive Linley's pathetic Millennial Symphony. But why, oh why, had he not found his final interaction with Vernon suspicious? He thought it only natural that Vernon, the flea of society, would want to reconcile with the man on the cusp of icon status. He had been so very eager to enact his own plan of vengeance that he had ignored the very obvious signs of Vernon's identical plan. And now he was dead. Dead. With no one to care that he was. No friend to retrieve his remains. No one to write his biography. Yes, idiot sounded just about right.    

 Beethoven who?

Dear Anyone...

        Text messages are great: convenient, simple, and to the point. Can you believe that people used to talk to each other? Or worse yet, write letters to each other. Yeah, I know, gross. So when I found an old shoebox containing letters my grandfather had received in the 1950s and 60s, I was naturally curious. How did these poor people communicate back in the Stone Age before texts? You can imagine my surprise when I found that the letters were funny, interesting, and touching, even decades later. For instance, Mike, one of my grandpa's college friends, worked in the Marine Corps. In a letter dated June 2, 1957, Mike wrote, "Professor Ed Paul once stated that our class had only two interests- sex and athletics. At the time I wittingly suggested that we really didn't care for athletics." Despite the fact that this letter is more than 50 years old, I still laughed out loud when I read it. And even though Mike was clearly trying to be funny throughout his letter, he still managed to sound deep and profound without really trying. He described his training for the position of first Lieutenant and said, "I do have 44 men to lead. Or should I say experiment with. They play victim while I learn to be a leader of men." The phrase "leader of men" really struck me for some reason. Beneath Mike's joking exterior, I could sense he felt a lot of responsibility in caring for his men. Another one of my grandpa's friends worked at a Goodyear plant in Java, Indonesia. At the time, the Indonesians wanted to annex West New Guinea which the Dutch has possession of, thus leading to fighting and riots. Fred wrote of the events,”So we now have a country that is potentially the third richest country on Earth facing hunger and political chaos. Also I'm a little angry that the U.S. abstained from voting in the U.N." I had never even heard of this event before. The last place I expected to learn about an important international incident was in a letter to my grandpa. The first hand account is so much more affecting than the impersonal news stories that dominate the news today. Reading all of these letters made me sad that letter-writing seems to be a dying art. I am sure the rate of correspondence was a lot slower than in today's age; however, a letter conveys so much more depth and personality than simply shooting someone a text. A person has to actually sit down and plan out what to say and how to say it.

Song Banter

    For those of you who froze in terror when Ms. Serensky announced her new song policy for the Blog Banter Show (and I know there are a lot of you), I have the solution. Like anything in English class, avoiding embarrassment only requires a little preparation. I have adapted a few lines of five popular songs into a blog-appropriate format. Feel free to use any of my suggestions. And if you have any additional ideas please share for the good of the AP English community.

 

1. "Boys Boys Boys" by Lady Gaga

"Boys boys boys

We like boys in ca-ars

Boys boys boys

Buy us drinks in ba-ars"                                          

     
Blog Version:
"Blogs  blogs blog
Listen to Blog Banter
Blogs blogs blogs
Wednesdays and Frida-ays"

2. "Yellow Submarine" by The Beatles

"We all live in a yellow submarine

Yellow submarine, yellow submarine

We all live in a yellow submarine

Yellow submarine, yellow submarine"

Blog Version:     

"We all live for Bobbie's Blog Banter

Bobbie's Blog Banter, Bobbie's Blog Banter

We all live for Bobbie's Blog Banter

Bobbie's Blog Banter, Bobbie's Blog Banter"

Or if you prefer:

"I can't believe you are making me sing

Making me sing, making me sing
I can't believe you are making me sing
Making me sing, making me sing"

3. "Beverly Hills" by Weezer
"Beverly Hills - That's where I want to be! (Gimme Gimme)
Living in Beverly Hills...
Beverly Hills - Rolling like a celebrity! (Gimme Gimme)
Living in Beverly Hills..."

Blog Version:
"Bobbie's Banter-I want her to mention me! (Banter Banter)
Blogging for AP English...

Bobbie's Banter-Hope she thought that mine was funny! (Banter Banter)

Blogging in Chagrin Falls schools"

4. "Don"t Stop the Music" by Rihanna

"I just can't refuse it
Like the way you do this
Keep on rockin' to it
Please don't stop the
Please don't stop the
Please don't stop the music" 

Blog Version: 

"I just can't stop typing

Gettin' carpal tunnel

Must get on the banter

Please don't stop the
Please don't stop the
Please don't stop the blogging" 

5. "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley

"I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that phase.
Even your emotions had an echo
In so much space [...]

Does that make me crazy

Does that make me crazy

Does that make me crazy

Probably"

 Blog Version:

"I remember when, I remember, I remember when I wrote my first blog

There was something so special about that day.

Even dared to use passive voice once

With so much freedom

I just like to write blogs

I just like to write blogs

I just like to write blogs

So crazy"