Diagnose Yourself

     As I flipped through Newsweek to read the Scope (the only thing I actually read in Newsweek), which talks about the most outrageous behavior throughout the week, I happened upon an article that caught my eye. "Diagnose Yourself" it read in big bold letters. I immediately thought of the motley crew in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. However, the article talked about a new iPod application that allowed a person to test themselves for STDs, not mental diseases. Still, the article really got me thinking. Why do we not have an iPod app that can help someone diagnose themselves with a mental disorder? Now, I know you can find plenty of little quizzes on the internet that will tell you if you have some serious disease. And WebMD always has some severe and obscure illness to go along with any symptom one might have. However, this self-diagnosis quiz would be completely legitamate. The most respected doctors, therapists, and psychiatrists worldwide would hold a convention or maybe a top secret meeting at Apple headquarters. They would devise questions that would most effectively determine if someone actually has a mental illness. It would obviously take more than ten questions and the answer to each question would determine the next question. For instance, if someone answered "C" indicating they have a deathly fear of cheese, then the computer would choose a question that can further delve into that cheese fear. Furthermore, the person would have to make sure they take the diagnosis test in complete solitude to make their answers more accurate and honest. If you sat around with your friends answering the questions out loud, you may be scared to admit that you sometimes pretend to not speak English just so that people will not talk to you. Once the person finishes the quiz, the application will come up with a mental illness most fitting your personality. You can then feel free to compare results with your friends or strangers on the street even. You may get off easy, with a social phobia or something. Or, you may find that you have something more alarming, such as schizophrenia. Either way, you will find that you have a mental illness of some kind. Everyone is crazy, if only a little bit.  
What does this look like to you?